


late night routine

by UnmarkedGore



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One-Sided Attraction, idk what to tag shit as sorry lmao, maybe i'll add tags later when i figure out what this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23092018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnmarkedGore/pseuds/UnmarkedGore
Summary: "It starts off simple, the same way it always does, a text from Jade that sounds like she’s picking up from where she left off in a conversation they’ve had all night."
Relationships: Cat Valentine & Jade West, Cat Valentine/Jade West
Comments: 44
Kudos: 92





	1. another all-nighter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i started off by watching sam and cat on netflix, falling in love with the pairing, and thinking "hmm maybe i should watch victorious to learn more about cat's character before this"
> 
> then i got absolutely knocked the fuck out by cat/jade
> 
> (M rating is just for future chapters in case i decide to not be a baby and write something... spicy idk)

The atmosphere is tense but Cat isn’t even the one on the phone. She’s not on the receiving end of Jade’s endless barrage of low blows and accusatory remarks, and yet she feels like she’s holding her breath with every sentence that comes out of the other girl’s mouth. Laying back in the reclined passenger’s seat staring, she fixes her gaze out the front window, fogged up by the contrast of chilly California night air, warm bodies, and fiery insults, she stares out at what she can see of the night sky above, listening and holding onto every word.

The two of them spent so much time in this car for the better or worse of things. Simple drives to and from school, late night talks in a random parking lot or just outside of Cat’s house, long drives to seemingly nowhere if just to enjoy each other’s company and get away from their problems outside of the comfort that was just ‘Jade and Cat’.

What would happen at the end of this call? Would it be the last one? Or is this just another all nighter in the car, with a trip to a depressing 24 hour diner, ending on the cold cement steps outside of Cat’s home just before the sun begins to creep up over the sprawling hills of the city.

Jade’s voice cracks, a little too much vitriol in her last verbal swing, something raw and too soon was probably carelessly said by the boy she was arguing with on the other end. Cat is just as tired of this as they are, but she’s always been the type to put her best friend’s needs before her own, especially when that best friend just happens to be the person she’s vied for since.. the moment they met? Probably?

Every time Jade asks her how she manages to stay and keep her company all night, mostly out of guilt and a little bit out of genuine confusion, Cat lies, instead coming up with some cookie cutter response about friendship. She never admits to hoping each night is the one that Jade finally dumps her unappreciative, distant, loser of a boyfriend for good. Not just because she can’t stand to see Jade drained physically and mentally, but because she wants a chance at showing her that she could offer exactly what her current love interest was severely lacking in.

The sound of Jade’s palms slamming down on her steering wheel brings her back to reality.

Jade never talks about how she’s feeling, not even with Cat, only giving her slight hints with these sudden physical outbursts. At best she manages to send too many long winded texts later once the two are both alone. Cat knows the cool, arrogant personality that is Jade West might crack under the emotional pressure if she spoke out loud to express her feelings, and she respected Hollywood Art’s hot-tempered queen and her decision to not really open up in front of anyone.

“Let’s go get coffee.”

Jade is the first to speak, taking control of the situation before anything could potentially be said to try and address the actual problem at hand.

“Kay kay, but you have to buy me pancakes, and maybe a milkshake too.”

She turns to the driver’s side and flashes a teasing grin, Jade just scoffs and rolls her eyes. Cat knows that means she won.

***

It’s 5:56 AM and they’re pulling up to Cat’s driveway. School is just two hours away and Cat knows she won't even get an hour of sleep in because she’ll be texting the girl who kept her up all night (and not even in the way she wanted most) about twenty-five minutes from now, the exact amount of time it would take for Jade to get home, park her car, and run upstairs to her bedroom. She starts her routine to get ready for the day knowing it would be just enough time to kill before the girl she loves occupies her full attention once again.

It starts off simple, the same way it always does, a text from Jade that sounds like she’s picking up from where she left off in a conversation they’ve had all night.

\--

_I can’t believe I’m dating this stupid, fucking, asshole. He doesn’t even care that I’m only looking out for him when I make sure girls know not to get too close. It’s almost like he wants them to flirt with him because he knows he can get away with it._

_i’m sure he doesn’t mean it!!_ _he’s probably just too nice to say anything._

_Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m with him anymore._

_??_

_He’s the only person I’ve ever been with and maybe that’s the only reason why I want to be together._

\--

Cat stares at her phone screen, she closes the messaging app as if it will make this situation cease to exist, but she knows very well if she can’t come up with a response it will be extremely weird and Jade will probably question her. But what starts off as a few minutes of deep thought on how she should respond, on how she so badly _wants_ to respond, turns into half an hour of wasted time.

She needs to get going if she wants to make it to class on time.

Using her lateness to mentally excuse herself from responding, she tucks the phone away in the pocket of her fluffy loose knit sweater and heads down the stairs, shouting to her parents that she’s leaving for school before they can ask her about where she had been all night (again).

***

By the time she’s gone through the motions of her first three classes as best as a sleep deprived, ‘crashing after three cups of coffee and one giant sugary milkshake’, girl could, Cat finds herself sitting at their regular table, shutting her eyes and catching herself every time she starts to fall forward. To her surprise, and much to her dismay, Beck is the first person to make his way over, noticeably missing his better half, but looking no more different or distraught compared to any other day. And because she’s far too passive to tell him that based on what both of them know happened last night, he should probably be the bigger person and not show his face around here today, or any day from now on really. Instead they instead sit in silence, Cat pretending she’s too spaced out to notice he’s right next to her.

“Hey Cat, are you.. Good? You seem just uh, a little more out of it than usual.” Beck says, a slight chuckle in his tone

“Huh?! What’s that supposed to mean?” Cat knits her brows together and pouts

“You know, you can’t keep letting her do this to you.”

“Do what? I have _absolutely_ no idea what you’re talking about Beck Oliver.”

He rolls his eyes, “You know, Jade can be pretty spoiled, she’s not exactly good at thinking about the needs of.. others.”

Beck sighs, running a hand through his hair and noticeably avoiding eye contact, a typical quirk of his when he was getting ready to say something careless.

“Look, I’m just worried about you. I know she drags you along whenever we get into a fight.”

Cat stares him down, if he refuses to look her in the eye she can at least make him as uncomfortable as possible.

“And it’s incredibly selfish of her. You know maybe if she wasn’t such a jealous egomaniac, she wouldn’t have to work herself up into a bad mood. She’s the only one who-”

“Who what?”

Cat’s body suddenly tenses up, she feels like she’s been turned to stone. Beck lets out another exasperated sigh. How long had Jade been behind them? How much had she heard?

“Look, Jade, all I’m saying is you can’t keep making your problems everyone else’s. I mean just look at Cat, I found her ready to take a nap in the middle of her salad bowl!”

“Maybe if you actually gave a shit about our relationship and bothered to stop the girls that are constantly all over you we wouldn’t always have to fight.”

Beck turns his back to her throwing his hands up in defeat, only serving to anger her further by making her look like the crazy one, as if he wasn’t the one who just set her up for all of this.

“If you’re going to ignore me why don’t you just break up with me!” Jade’s voice raising with each word.

Several people within earshot are now glancing over to soak in the dramatic lover’s quarrel, like a scene out of a daytime soap opera, or a bad teen romance, unfolding in the center of the lunch tables.

“Jade..” Cat calls out, barely audible over the yelling.

Nothing, the two fighting in front of her either didn’t catch it or are too heated to really care.

“Jade” this time a little louder and firmer than before.

This time, Jade catches it, and by the worried look on her face she wasn’t expecting to be interrupted, much less in such a soft manner by the poor girl caught between the two of them for a second day in a row.

Cat, not really knowing why she said anything at all darts her eyes around as though looking for someone else to interject, and when she realizes it isn’t happening, grabs Jade’s hand in a hasty decision and starts walking back towards the school ignoring the uncomfortable stares of the other students watching them in tense silence.

Jade, still effectively stunned, allows herself to be guided away from the situation by a small hand and gentle tug. For a moment, the part of her skin that comes into contact with her best friend sends just the smallest sensation of electricity through her palm.

Cat doesn’t have a plan, and she’ll have to think of one fast because they’re not far off from the entrance of their school, but at least Jade is fine for now and that’s all she wanted anyway.


	2. let's be together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is taking a /turn/, apologies in advance for how self loathing and depressing this will likely get.

_ Attraction almost always starts at a shallow level. It’s raw, animalistic, and instinctive.  _

_ When Cat saw her for the first time she was hooked. The unnaturally black hair, bewitching features only perfected by her skillfully applied makeup, and a dominant arrogance that poisoned Cat’s mind with salacious thoughts. _

_ Cat remembers the first time they spoke. She recalls the self-conscious discomfort that put her stomach through twists and turns, how apparently she would lightly pull at the ends of her hair whenever she was nervous. Above all else, the fear in her heart and words she fumbled on, the situation was intoxicating, and in that moment Cat would develop an addiction to this girl. _

_ People who had already been through this would warn Cat that it always starts off at a high point, but just like those before her she chose not to listen, genuinely believing things would be different. _

_ When desire overrides common sense people often think they can make it through the most unlikely of situations. When Cat Valentine took the dive into dark uncharted waters searching for something she firmly believed she would make it out of them unharmed. _

***

Cat manages to make it just in front of their block of lockers before abruptly anchoring her feet to the floor in a sudden halt, nearly tripping Jade over in the process. She twirls her body halfway around and looks up to face the taller girl, not letting go of her hand once.

“Did you drive to school today?” Cat asks, slightly tilting her head to the side.

“I drive to school every day?” Jade answers in a half mocking, half incredulous tone.

Cat doesn’t respond, instead she begins her sprint for the parking lot dragging her hostage along.

Jade clicks her tongue in annoyance but dares not ask for an explanation. Besides, she knew even if she tried it’s not like she’d get an answer. 

As they approach the car Cat releases her taller counterpart from her grasp and bounces over to the passenger side door. Instinctively Jade digs around for the key in the pocket of her jeans and presses the button to unlock the car. Cat opens the door and slides into the passenger seat as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Jade walks around to the other side and enters, filling up the space, completing the small bubble of comfort the two of them had established over time. Cat has already reclined her seat as far back as it could go, eyes closed, body curled up instinctively leaning towards the driver’s side. Jade just stares and scowls in a slightly judgemental way, never quite understanding how someone could be so carefree. The world could be ending in an hour and Cat would be the same, one track mind unable to focus on anything but exactly what was in front of it, and Jade of course was always right there.

There’s a pause for a few minutes, nothing but silence, calm, and the warmth of sunlight. Jade releases a tense breath she had been holding in and without a word sticks the key into the ignition, the light rumble of the engine breaking the ice for them.

“Where are we going?” Cat mumbles, unmoving, keeping her eyes firmly shut.

“Home.” Jade says as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

Cat lets out a pleased hum “Your place or mine?”

Jade drums her fingers on the steering wheel contemplating their options.

“My dad and his… wife, are leaving tonight for another trip and I barely see my brother anyway so I doubt he’ll even notice that someone is over.” Jade says, confirming her decision.

She’s said the right thing because Cat suddenly springs up in her seat with a burst of energy. Wide bright eyes and a smile that could melt the iciest of hearts threatened to blind her gloomy companion from the passenger side.

“Yaaaay! Oh Jade you know I love sleepovers. Can we watch movies and order food? Will you buy me pizza from that one place I really really like?”

“Just buckle up okay?” Jade grumbles.

She lowers the parking break and shifts her car into gear, backing out of the spot, making their way home.

***

Jade unlocks the front door to her house and swings it open allowing Cat to rush in and eagerly make her way up the stairs, Jade trailing slowly behind. With a sense of over familiarity, it’s Cat who opens the door to the room and ungracefully flops down on the bed first.

Cat pats the space next to her, and Jade sarcastically thinks to herself how she’s oh so grateful for the privilege of resting in her own bed. She could have sworn with how comfortable the other girl made herself that this space definitely belonged to her, and not the other way around. She lays down next to her, leaving just a small gap between them, despite there being more than enough room for a much bigger space.

The long night and draining day have finally taken their toll on Jade who falls asleep almost immediately. Cat catches the faint sounds of light breathing and carefully shifts her body towards the now docile figure.

“Jade?” Cat whispers.

Nothing.

Slowly she stretches out an arm, lightly brushing her fingers over pale cool skin, relishing in a moment that made her happy to be alive. Confirming Jade is completely knocked out, she carefully scoots her body closer, leaving no space between the two of them and rests her head against the sleeping girl’s arm. A twinge of guilt hits her, she knew Jade would never allow this much physical closeness had she been awake. It felt like she was taking advantage of the girl in a way, but she couldn’t help herself, her selfish desires occasionally got the better of her.

Content, she drifts off to sleep, eager to meet up together in her dreams.

***

The sharp buzz and low glow of her phone wake her from sleep. Cat stirs and lets out a discontented whine in a meaningless effort to plead with the object to leave her alone. Moments later it happens again, reprimanding her for not attending to it sooner. Dragging herself back to the world of the conscious, Cat slowly opens her eyes, squinting at the harsh light of the phone screen.

There’s a text from Beck. She swipes to the right of it and unlocks her phone.

_ Hey Cat, can you let me know what’s going on? I’ve been trying to speak to Jade but she wont answer my texts to pick up her phone. _

Cat frowns, wasn’t he the one scolding his girlfriend earlier for dragging her best friend into their problems all the time? Isn’t that exactly what he’s doing now? Irritated, she taps away at the screen writing out her response.

_ hiii! so jade is sleeping cause she’s just really really tired, but we’re fine! _

Before she can manage anything else, three dots appear just below her message, he’s already typing something back.

_ Ok, well can you tell her to call me when she gets up? I need to talk to her. _

Cat stares at her screen. She’s annoyed, extremely annoyed, which is unusual as nothing really bothers Cat, not even when Rex says something horrifically mean to her. Even though she’s a girl of many impulses, somewhere in her mind she figures it’s a good idea to at least think before she replies. She starts, but each time she looks over what’s on her screen, she deletes it. Too mean, doesn’t make sense, has more information than he needs, accidentally gets distracted asking an unrelated question. Finally, after her fifteenth attempt she settles on something that would hopefully end this ridiculous game of back and forth.

_ i’ll try! but i think if she wanted to text you she would have done it already. sorry!!! :( _

If she could block his number she would, but Jade’s needs always came first and she wasn’t about to add any pressure to someone she considered more important than herself. 

Whatever happened to Cat happened, but anything was to happen to Jade would be nothing less than the best if she could help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at some point i decided that i was using this fic to kind of.. vent my own frustrations about life lmao. maybe it'll get better like, later on.


	3. sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowee it's been 2 months apparently. blame it on quarantine making everything worse.

Cat rolled onto her back, head tilted upwards, gazed fixated and spaced out so intensely she swore she could feel her pupils dilating. In one hand her phone sinking its weight into her limp grasp, in the other Jade’s arm radiating a gentle warmth onto her palm. Her anxieties that accompanied a long mental list of problems and things to do ran circles around her, and instead of making an effort to tackle even just one of them, Cat laid still, overwhelmed at the idea of having to choose any one of them over the other.

On some days she felt frustrated knowing everything had essentially been the same for years. A relationship precariously balancing on the eye of a needle, threatening to fall if even one thing happened out of place. The halves of her brain were constantly at war with each other either telling her she should begin to distance herself and move on with her life or continue to stick it out because nothing truly good came easy. Perhaps if Jade wasn’t always so kind to her things might be different. Her mind felt like an endless feedback loop. 

Step 1: Spend time with Jade

Step 2: Remembering why she loves her 

Step 3: Realizing it couldn’t go beyond that

Step 4: Feeling sad

Step 5: Repeat 

Processing complicated emotions is difficult, shutting off your brain and being childish and carefree were easy, Cat always went for the latter.

The sound of fabric shifting interrupted her spaced out thoughts and swept away any negative emotions still lingering, funny how quickly your mood could be improved when you’re around someone you adore. Thankfully Cat’s brain caught up with just enough time to notice that both of them were still snuggled up,  _ together _ , like some sort of adorable happily married couple. Cat felt a nervous sweat forming, she recoiled as far as possible from Jade and in her panic, unlocked her phone pretending to be distracted by whatever was immediately on the screen.

Jade groaned and turned to Cat’s side of the bed. Remembering she had company she instinctively pulled the covers up to hide her face. Cat let out a small giggle.

“What time is it?” a muffled, groggy voice came from beneath the sheets.

“It’s almost 9:00!” Cat chirped.

Another groan, this time she pulls the blanket down just enough to give Cat a peek at her natural, less refined appearance. Cat wouldn’t say a word, but this look was one of her favorites. The way Jade’s bed head tangled and curled, how her face looked just a bit softer than normal, this was comfort in one of its purest forms and moments like these were the ones that make her more emotional than anything else. 

It always takes her a few moments to come back down to reality, especially when she’s distracted (which happens often to be fair), but Cat has a sudden alarming realization.

“Wait, did I wake you up?” Cat gasps and reaches out, grabbing Jade’s arm.

Jade rolls her eyes, carefully picking up one of Cat's fingers and peeling it along with the rest of the girl’s hand off of her.

“No, I just had a weird dream.”

Cat ignores her dismissive action for her new found point of interest. 

“Oh! I love weird dreams. Tell me, tell me, tell me! Were there any robots? Monsters? Was I there? Did you-”

Jade lets out an irritated noise and covers Cat’s mouth with her hand.

“Cat, I can’t tell you what happened if you keep talking can I?”   
  
Cat vigorously shakes her head side to side.   
  
“I’m going to move my hand, and you’re not going to speak anymore so I can tell you before any more of your distractions make me forget, okay?” Jade says, her voice sarcastically sweet.

Cat says something but it’s incomprehensible, Jade just sighs and removes her hand.

“Oopsie! Sorry, I promise to be quiet. Starting now I mean!”

Jade pauses before looking away. Even talking about something as trivial as a dream was an exhausting feat for someone so emotionally stifled. It takes her a good minute of light tossing and turning, adjusting to find a comfortable position, and annoyed grumbles before she finds the right time to say anything. Cat waits patiently, a difficult thing to ask of her but something she would be willing to do, only for Jade of course.

Finally Jade speaks, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

“Beck and I were standing just outside of the school. He was speaking to me but I couldn’t understand what he was saying.” Jade says, just slightly above a whisper.

“It was like, I barely recognized he was there. I wasn’t paying attention, and every time he would try to make me face him, to get me to acknowledge him, I would turn away.”

Jade’s hands start absentmindedly fumbling with the bedding, her steady breathing turning into long drawn out deep sighs. Cat suddenly becomes more attentive, aware of the other girl's actions, she recognizes the signs of Jade becoming a little too self conscious and paranoid.

“The next thing I knew, we were right here in my bedroom laying down together. I woke up and walked over to my mirror…”

Jade hesitates again but this time there’s awkward tension, like she’s unsure of what to say next.

“...and when I looked at the reflection, my eyes were gone. Instead all I saw was a splatter of red.”

Jade stops speaking, her grip on the blanket becomes stronger as color drains from the top of her hands. 

It’s subtle but Cat can feel Jade shaking through the bed, not from fear, but anger. It was always anger, something everyone around her noticed but refused to take seriously. They would say _ “You know Jade, she’s crazy!”  _ ...and that would be the end of the discussion, no desire to help, no one asking what was wrong or if she needed to talk, not in earnest anyway. Even her own boyfriend treated her struggles with anger like it was some sort of heavy burden that he specifically had to bear, nevermind that the one actually suffering was his girlfriend. Rather than help her with it or express any sort of genuine concern he would give her an exasperated expression and kiss her as though it was a cure for all of her problems.

“Jade, it’s okay!” Cat thinks for a moment, making an attempt to fish for the right words given the situation.

“Well, maybe it’s not okay, but totally fine!” another pause, this time accompanied by a puzzled look.

“Wait, those mean the same thing, don’t they?” 

Cat giggles, and Jade can’t help but smile at her.

“What I’m trying to say is I’ve had dreams like that before you know? Scary ones. The kind where you wake up and are too scared to leave the covers.” she looks up and catches Jade’s gaze back at her, perfectly illuminated by the pale light creeping through the windows. Nervously, Cat adjusts her eyes to look just slightly away.

Most people were simply dismissive of her and to be fair she couldn’t blame them when a majority of the stories she told were incredulous and random or just childishly stupid for a girl her age. Others looked at her with concern, confusion, and on the rare occasion, disgust, but when Jade looked at her Cat felt warmth and caring, even if sometimes it was followed by the occasional threat or rude quip.

Realizing she trailed off lost in her thoughts clouded by love, she let out one of her signature awkward laughs.

“I’ve also had weird, not scary dreams. Like, you know the kind where there’s floating ice cream and Rex suddenly turns 50 feet tall.”

Jade snorts, “Can’t relate there, sorry.”

Cat whines, softly elbowing the other girl. “You know what I mean! I’m just saying, dreams don’t have to make sense. They’re supposed to be weird for no reason.”

The two lay in silence for a few moments more, unsure of how to continue the conversation and not really knowing what to do next. Cat may not have realized it, but her naturally calm demeanor was exactly what allowed Jade to open up, even just little. Had any of their other friends seen this calmer, sweeter (by Jade’s standards anyway) side they might think she was sick, maybe assuming she had suffered some sort of head injury or even replaced by an unconvincing clone of herself.

“The thing is.. this isn’t the first time I’ve had this dream.” Jade sighs.

“Sometimes we’re at school. Sometimes we’re at home together. Sometimes.. I’m on a rooftop looking at the long drop below, and just before anything happens, he’s there.”

Jade lifts her arm and drapes it over her face. Cat knows it's a habit of the other girl to find ways to hide herself when she’s talking about how she feels, or anything remotely emotional in general, expressing an emotion that wasn’t masked by anger was one of the most difficult things for Jade.

The impulsive half of her brain begins to take the reins, it tells her that despite the other girl’s obvious resistance toward affection this was a moment where words just couldn’t heal an injury that demanded physical attention. Cat glances toward Jade and makes sure she’s still distracted by her own thoughts. When she confirms, she quietly, as subtle as possible, unlocks her phone gently tapping on the screen until she opens up her notes.

Cat realizes how mortifying keeping what was essentially a digital diary filled with thoughts about the girl next to her was at her age. Even more embarrassing was opening it up while being no more than inches away from the one person who should absolutely never be exposed to what was written in there. Her reasoning for keeping it was perfectly understandable. Cat, being the easily distracted, often forgetful, person she was, needed a way to rationalize what she was feeling, and if she was about to make such a large gamble she needed a pep talk from the person who wrote these honest, raw feelings of love.

Scanning through her notes, skimming over particularly embarrassing ones, she tries to find something that will help her find her courage. Her eyes catch a particularly appropriate set of words and she immediately halts her finger on the screen.

_!!Note to self!! Jade always looks really happy when Beck wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. She’s NOT good with hugs! Even from Beck. And she totally hates  _ 👿👿👿 _ it when people surprise her with them. _

Slowly she reaches for Jade’s free arm, gently moving her hand under it and eventually intertwining them together. Given her small size she doesn’t really have the means to help Jade feel secure the way Beck does, but that won't stop her from moving in and offering comfort by holding her close. She feels Jade tense up, but there’s no resistance or yelling like she prepared for.

“Jade? Is this okay?” Cat asks.

There’s no response, and yes silence is typical especially on a weird night like this one, but Cat still worries she’s just making things worse because this was a stupid impulsive idea. Even though controlling those impulses was really difficult for her she always made an effort for Jade, except not this time, and all because of a little selfishness and a poor gamble. Just as delicately as she moved in, Cat starts to untangle their arms and scoot back to her designated side of the bed. Suddenly Jade moves, no, nearly lunges forward.

Cat flinches and squeaks, afraid she’s really done it now. She thinks Jade is going to shove her out of her bed and send her walking all the way home, but instead she’s surprised as she’s pulled in and brought close to a neglected, attention starved, lonely body by a pair of desperate arms.

Whenever people talk about a first hug or kiss with the person you love they always say that a few seconds feels like an eternity, Cat was disappointed to find out this wasn’t true. When you love someone no amount of time together is enough, and you could spend hours together in each other’s presence talking, silently enjoying each other’s company, but as soon as you were apart you’d realize how relative time was in accordance with how much you enjoyed what you were just doing. At this exact moment, Cat would have done anything to assure it would last forever, because if there was anything better she couldn’t even fathom what that might be. When Jade releases her, she feels vulnerable in a way she’s never experienced and it’s so uncomfortable she briefly considers begging Jade to take her back in her arms.

“If you ever tell anyone I did that just now, I will kill you.” Jade deadpans.

Cat beams. “I won’t tell! I swear Jadey.”

The minimal amount of sleep she just got may not have been proportionate to the energy she’s spent over the past two days, but the moment they just shared could have powered her through the next two weeks.

Jade finally rises, stretching and twisting with a big yawn.

“So.. you wanted to get that pizza right?”

Cat gasps. “You remembered!”

Jade scoffs and climbs out of bed walking around to Cat’s side and offers her a hand, which Cat happily takes before being pulled out of bed. She intentionally ‘forgets’ to let go of Jade even after she’s on her feet.

“Trust me, if I had forgotten you wouldn’t have shut up about it.”

As the two make their way downstairs Jade remembers her phone still tucked away in her purse, she grabs it and starts digging around inside. Cat suddenly remembers Beck and his dozens of obnoxious texts that would only serve to ruin a good moment and rob Jade of the one decent night she’s had all week. Panicked she tries to think of something, but for as seemingly random as she typically acted Cat was never good at spur of the moment decisions or thinking fast, if she was maybe she wouldn’t get pelted by Sikowitz’s flying objects every day in class. 

In a truly Cat Valentine fashion, she simply decides screaming would accomplish things just fine. She hears a clatter in the next room over and several expletives escaping from Jade’s mouth soon followed by angry footsteps making their way over into the living room.

“Cat, you better be dying in there.” Jade hisses.

“Sorry Jadey! It’s just that I.. I remembered ‘That’s a Drag’ is on tonight! And I uh.. don’t remember how your TV works.” Cat says with a nervous laughter.

“How many times have you been to my house now? And you still don’t know how to turn on the TV?” Jade scoffs in disbelief.

“You’re too sweet! You always believe in me. But you know how bad I am with all of this fancy cool tech nerd stuff.”

Cat pats the couch and Jade reluctantly walks over and flops onto the space laid out for her.   
  
“It’s a remote Cat, everyone has one, you have one in your own house, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”   
  
Cat pouts. “Yeah but this ones got different buttons and so many options, what if I mess it up?”

Jade closes her eyes and rubs the sides of her head. “Fine. Whatever. Give me the remote.”

Jade snatches it from Cat’s hand and starts aggressively slamming her finger on the buttons searching for the show that was so important Cat felt the need to nearly give her a heart attack in her own home. Cat pulls out her own phone quickly tapping away to order their dinner while Jade was occupied by the task she had assigned to her. There wasn’t a chance Jade would be looking at her phone tonight, and as much as Cat loved having her pay for things she wanted she decided a quiet night in was more important.

“Done!” Cat shoves her phone in Jade’s face, proudly displaying the order confirmation screen.

“Uh, congrats on preventing us from starving?” Jade says, sarcasm dripping.

Cat grins “Thanks! Oh Jadey can you get that blanket? I want to be comfy when we watch my favorite show.”

Jade grabs the blanket and haphazardly tosses it over them, Cat squeals in delight so wrapped by the seemingly perfect night they’ve been having so far that she loses the last bit of whatever inhibitions she typically has around her crush and closes the gap between them, sighing contentedly and resting her head on the other girl’s arm. Jade looks down at her with an expression of disapproval, considering the number of ways she could toss this overly clingy lap dog, but instead she surprises herself and wraps the blanket around them just a little bit tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that dream sequence is totally borrowed from an MV from a song i like i'm so sorry. also i hate how i wrote this chapter (but that's my fault for literally not writing for a solid two months, then spending 8 hours from 1 - 9 am today to finish this lmao).
> 
> also i have a tumblr (https://unmarkedgore.tumblr.com/) there's nothing on it!! i am too embarrassed to link any of my writing to my actual social media accounts. i made it for the sole purpose of maybe writing on there too but that site is apparently dead. where you guys can send me prompts or requests or tell me about your day or yell at me for not updating shit. pls i am very lonely and didn't realize how much i depended on going outside.


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are there continuity errors? potentially. are some parts hastily done because i'm bad at writing transitions? most likely. did i only write this because someone on [unnamed website] sent me an ask? definitely.

The unnatural glow and flicker of the TV in a mostly dark room wake Cat from her sleep, slowly bringing her into consciousness. There’s an uncomfortable heat clinging to her skin, leaving her with a thin layer of sticky sweat she only notices when she shifts and cool air hits her. She groans softly and looks up, grogginess still clouding her eyes and head. Jade is knocked out, her long black locks slightly tangled into a mess obscuring half of her face, one arm draped off the edge of the sofa, the other loosely over Cat’s back. Cat blinks and rubs her eyes, remnants of eyeliner and mascara smearing on her fingers, getting into her eyes, making them sting slightly. Based on the display of the news on the TV and the gentle glow of morning sunlight seeping through the drawn curtains Cat figured it was early, but not too early, perhaps just enough time to wake up and get ready for school, but not enough to stop and get coffee.

She sits up and clasps both of her hands over one of Jade’s tugging on her weakly in an attempt to ease her carefully from sleep, remembering that Jade does not like to be jolted awake.

“Jadey, you have to get up.” Cat says, her voice light and gentle.

Jade lets out an irritated noise that’s somewhere between a whine and growl, snapping her hand back and recoiling from Cat’s grasp. Cat grins, whenever Jade gets like this it’s just so like her, so ‘Jade’, she can’t help but adore her. Sometimes she found it ironic that she was the one named Cat, when clearly the grouchy girl in front of her shared more traits with the moody creatures. She brought it up once when they were getting ice cream, Jade did not care for it. 

\---

A passing comment on a regular Saturday in July, something Jade probably forgot long ago. Cat had been staying over at Jade’s for the week while Beck was away on a “guys only” roadtrip. Jade was never one to make plans so Cat always chose for them, most ideas involving trying out some new sweets or dessert, her suggestion for today being an ice cream store known more for it’s aesthetically pleasant appearance than it’s impressive flavors. Cat chose an unnaturally pastel pink colored flavor with a bright red velvet cone, Jade predictably going for all black, both ice cream and cone (which just turned out to be plain vanilla as Cat would find out later on when stealing a taste).

The two stood outside the shop, Cat snapping photos of their ice cream in various angles, dragging Jade to different spots every so often looking for the right photo to upload until Jade let out her signature irritated annoyed growl while saying Cat’s name in a threatening tone. Cat took one last photo before biting into the melted part of her ice cream.

She scrolled absentmindedly through her photos, slapping filters and stickers onto the ones she liked best.

“Hey, do you ever think it’s weird that my name is Cat and yours isn’t?”

Jade stopped mid lick, shooting an irritated stare at the other girl.

“Cat, haven’t I told you to say the whole thought you’re having and not just whatever random sentence comes to mind?” she says, voice feigning sweetness and concern.

Cat taps away on her phone unphased by Jade’s sarcastic tone, instead bringing her ice cream cone to her mouth to mask the grin on her face.

“You’re just so.. grumpy, but in a way where I know you’re not ‘mad’, mad, you know? Like a kitty cat that tries to run away when you pet it..”

Jade closes her eyes as wrinkles appear on her brow, a long audible sigh coming from her direction.

Cat uploads her last post before walking off wordlessly, distracted, looking for the next photo opportunity for her social media accounts. Jade instinctively sulking right behind her. Suddenly Cat spins around to face Jade, walking backwards, slowing her pace but not stopping.

“And you know how when you’re doing something else, like your homework, or watching TV, that’s when they come over? I used to have this big fat cat with tiger stripes, his name was Meatball, he was kind of mean and never let me pick him up. But whenever I stopped trying to get his attention he would always come over and flop right on my hands so I couldn’t do anything.”

Cat turns to face forward again, bringing her phone up to snap some more seemingly random photos. Unable to focus on more than one task at a time, she doesn’t realize the steady trail of melted ice cream running down her fingers painting the sidewalk. Jade hovers behind Cat silently like a shadow before reaching over and snatching the girl’s phone out of her hands.

“I didn’t take you out to keep your followers entertained,” she reaches in her back pocket, fishing for the napkins she picked up and places them in Cat’s now empty hand. “..and I didn’t buy that ice cream so you could feed the ants.”

Cat tucks the napkins into her own pocket, opting to lick the ice cream off her hand instead.

“You know, cats can’t talk. Well not in English like we do anyway.. But Jadey, you can!” Cat says, taking bites between sentences. “If you want me to pay attention to you, you can just say so!”

Cat pauses, waiting for an insult, a threat, anything, but it never comes. She looks up at Jade, and finds her silent, eyes glancing off to the side, the slightest tinge of pink coloring her cheeks. Cat’s stomach twists and turns and not from the sickly sweet treat she’s eating far too quickly.

Finally Jade speaks, her voice low, secretive. “Whatever.. Where do you want to go next?”

\---

After a few more pleas and gentle nudges, Cat manages to wake Jade from her sleep. They head upstairs, Jade carefully deciding what to wear for the day and Cat haphazardly picking things from her small pile in one of the empty dresser drawers saved for her. 

Cat never liked getting ready for school. She would always end up forgetting something on her way out, a sheet of homework, pens and pencils, her lunch. Her mind was always too preoccupied by thoughts, and it didn’t help that she would get distracted if left to her own devices. Starting the day with Jade though, it didn’t happen. If she forgot something Jade would be there to remind her, remembering all of the little things, being a source of reassurance Cat never had to ask for. Cat felt it was extra special coming from someone who seemingly had a short fuse for, well everyone else, and those people were far more put together than her.

She taps the screen on her phone checking the time noting it’s a few minutes later than she had intended to take. Normally applying makeup felt easy, something Cat had been doing nearly every day since she entered high school and only getting better, but knowing who was waiting for her downstairs made her question everything, suddenly feeling flawed. One last check, making sure she wasn’t trying too hard, but also not so casual that she didn’t stand out. She hears Jade calling for her downstairs and hastily sweeps her things back into her bag and rushes down, not wanting to make her wait any longer.

When she reaches the entrance she catches Jade on her phone. Cat knows it’s not like she could keep her from it forever, this isn’t the first time and it’s not going to be the last either, but every time it happens she feels sick to her stomach. She looks up at Jade scanning the girl’s face in an attempt to pull some information out of her without actually having to ask and potentially upset her. A smile, it’s slight and possibly too subtle for anyone else to notice, but it’s there. They’ve made up and Cat knows it, and sure it’s for the best because she would much rather know that Jade is happy, but wasn’t she also happy last night? 

“Hey.” Cat says simply. “Ready to go?”

Jade clicks her tongue in annoyance and grabs her keys. “Took you long enough.” she chides.

\---

When Cat and Jade walked through the doors leading to Hollywood Arts, Beck was right there waiting for her. During their first period he slipped his hand into her own when the teacher wasn’t looking. At lunch, his arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her in close for a kiss.

Cat spends the better part of her day attempting to avoid this. Not once does she pass by Jade or Beck’s lockers, during lunch she lies to her friends and excuses herself from the table insisting she needs to find Trina. Cat is good at masking her emotions, if someone thought she was acting differently it was only a matter of saying the first thing that came to mind, or giving a convincing laugh.

By their last class, her energy and emotions are razor thin. Her little stunt at lunch which was really just walking back into the school taking turns between absentminded pacing in the halls or sitting in a bathroom stall, left her hungry and feeling like an idiot. At this point she’s expecting more of what she hates, but she needs to gauge exactly what she’s dealing with, maybe, just maybe, they had finally toned things down.

Cat purposely waits until the last minute before class starts, conveniently forgetting something at her locker, taking a painstakingly slow pace walking to the room. When she’s convinced most have already settled in, she cautiously peers from the doorframe examining the situation. It’s exactly what she feared, and nothing she hoped for. The people in question are being their usual selves and she gives herself another mental scolding for thinking anything different.

Sure they’re both sitting at their own desks, but at this point with how close they are together, with how Jade is casually leaning into Beck’s embrace ignoring the rest of the world, they might as well be alone. Cat typically takes the spot next to Jade, as long as it’s open by the time she makes it to class, but today is different. Jealousy wraps its calloused unsympathetic fingers around her neck, her chest burning and short of breath. Despite the unsightly jealousy building inside her clawing its way up looking to be free, she keeps it down, taking a deep breath and holding it, only daring to exhale once she’s seated far away from the two. And as cool as she thinks she’s playing it, you don’t coldly walk past the person you’ve spent nearly every day with for the last three years without it going unnoticed.

Jade shoots her a glance, looking as though she has something to say but is interrupted by the teacher entering the room.

Cat sulks, her body slumped over her desk, face buried in her notebook pretending she’s intently listening when she’s really lost in thought scrawling random drawings onto the empty pages, a forced distraction to keep tears from spilling. A nagging thought hangs in the back of her mind, it taunts her in a voice that feels awfully familiar yet unclear.

_ “How could you be so selfish?” _

It spits at her in a threatening tone, and Cat isn’t sure if she’s angry at Beck and Jade anymore or if she’s angry at the people who have told her this before. She increases the pressure on her pencil ever so slightly, just enough to darken the lines on the page and deepen the sounds of her scribbling. 

The source of so much doubt, the reason why she refused to be anything other than the soft spoken bubbly girl everyone wanted to protect. If she thought she had it bad others had it worse and her problems were insignificant, the complaints of a spoiled petulant child. She felt like the world was being unfair, but was she even allowed to think that? Or was it just another self centered complaint?

The exposed lead from her pencil snaps, Cat buries her face in her arms.

There’s a soft tap on her shoulder but she doesn’t move, fearing she’ll see something or someone she doesn’t want to.

“Cat?”

A light shake on her shoulder finally gets her to creep out from her cover. Tori is standing above her, concern and confusion on her face.

“Are you alright? I know you said you would come over today so we could work on our costume design project but if you’re not feeling well then we can always do it some other time.” she says, taking her hand and lighting rubbing Cat’s shoulder for reassurance.

Cat snaps up straight, eyes wide with shock. “Oh my gosh how could I forget?” she exclaims, quickly gathering her things and tossing them carelessly into her backpack. Zipping up the bag she hops out of her seat and faces Tori. 

“No no we should totally go today, I’m feeling fine! What made you think I was sick? I’m not sick.” she grabs Tori’s hand and places the girl’s palm to her forehead. “See? I’m a hundred percent fine and super not sick.”

“Um.. well okay then.” Tori says, retracting her hand slowly from Cat’s decidedly normal, not feverish, forehead. “Let me just pack up my things and we’ll go. Meet me by my locker?”

Cat shifts her stare in the opposite direction, scanning the other half of the room trying not to be obvious. The pair had already left, probably slipping away while Cat shielded herself at her desk.

“Uh, hello? Cat?” Tori asks, waving her hand in front of the other girl’s face.

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Your locker, got it. See you there!” Cat chirps, skipping off in the direction of the halls.

As she exits the classroom door she’s met with a sea of people all significantly taller than her and therefore more difficult to navigate around. Cat never leaves her last class without Jade, or someone she knows with her and suddenly feels timid, vulnerable. It takes her a few minutes more than normal to dodge her way through the crowd and arrive at her locker. She clicks her combination into the dial and turns it swinging the door open, placing books she no longer needs and retrieving ones for tomorrow before closing it.

When the door slams shut she’s greeted by a tall figure that certainly wasn’t there when she arrived. Startled she squeaks in shock, bringing her hand to her chest and flopping backwards into the lockers.

Jade laughs and swings her arm over Cat’s side pretending to corner her. “Don’t tell me I actually scared you.” she says, punctuating her last two words in a low mock.

Cat pouts and shoves Jade’s arm away, needing the strength from both of her arms just to move away one of Jade’s.

“I thought you already left.” Cat sneers, averting her gaze from Jade to the crowds flowing about the halls. 

“Not yet, Beck and I are going to get sushi, and as much as I didn’t want to he told me to invite you. Something about you looking like you had a bad day. As if he couldn’t give us one day alone together especially after everything he put me through.”

Cat huffs, there it is, Jade’s mean attitude rearing its ugly head. Something that only happened when her and Beck were in their “good” phase.

“I can’t. I have to work on the project Tori and I have for costume design.”

Jade rolls her eyes and fakes a gagging noise. “You really should come with us then. Miss perfect might be able to sing and scrape by in acting, but she couldn’t design an outfit if her life depended on it.” Jade laughs, reaching over and grabbing Cat by the wrist. “Come on let's go. Let her fail.”

Cat’s skin tingles at the sensation of being touched and for a brief moment she lets Jade lead her, dazed by the possessive action. Her irritation gets the better of her and she breaks free from Jade’s grasp.

“No Jade, that’s.. that’s really mean! Tori is our friend, even if you don’t like her most of the time. I’m not going to do that to her.” Cat tilts her head up to look Jade dead in the eyes, attempting to look tough but appearing more like a pouty child. “Besides, you already said it yourself.” Cat’s voice wavers, losing its confidence. She shifts awkwardly in place and breaks eye contact. “You want to be alone with Beck, so why invite me? You’d rather hurt Tori than spend time with me right?”

There’s an uncomfortable pause, but Cat refuses to look up at Jade unsure of what kind of expression she’ll see if she does.

“Hey Cat!” Tori says, waving enthusiastically. “Oh, hey Jade.” her expression changes quickly from sweet to soured. Although she has no idea what she just walked in on, and quite honestly after the preceding day’s events, does not want to know, she can see that Cat is uncomfortable. There’s absolutely no doubt that Tori feared Jade, that just about everyone did to some degree, and it was precisely why she felt the need to protect her friend from whatever had just occurred.

“I was just about to drop some things off at my locker, want to come?” Tori says, stepping between the two, turning her back to Jade. “We can go to my house after.”

Cat fidgets with the hem of her sweater, making a few noncommittal noises fearing she would upset Jade further. Because of her short stature it’s impossible to see past Tori, and honestly a little frightening in this situation. Will Jade take her anger out on Tori? It would be pretty easy, she’s done it for significantly less. It’s rare for the passive, low risk girl, to take such a bold stance especially against her own tormentor, and Cat was already nearing a complete shutdown (the previous one also caused by Jade fighting over her).

She’s thankful when she hears a distinctive huff, a few expletives escaping under a breath, everything barely above a whisper and sealed with the sounds of aggressive footsteps taking off down the hall.

Cat and Tori make their way to their last stop at the school. Tori simply looks confused. Not a single word is exchanged on the, admittedly short, walk to her locker and while she may not be any more confrontational than Cat, she is definitely a gossip and not knowing is slowly killing her patience.

“So, what was that all about? I know the last few days haven’t been exactly great for her but like, fighting? With you? That’s weird even for Jade.” Tori says with a laugh.

Cat snaps out of her trance and looks up.

“I guess..” she pauses, contemplating the safest way to explain, and to be honest is there even a right way? “She’s just.. tired.”

Tori places a few final items in her locker before shutting the door.

“Tired huh..” her voice trails off quizzically. It didn’t seem like this would get anywhere, but she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Quite frankly she was sick of it, sick of there being a new argument every week. Jade needed an attitude adjustment, and fighting with the most soft spoken cheerful girl they knew, her own best friend no less, was the last straw.

“You know we don’t have to talk about it here.” she picks up her bag, swinging it over her shoulder. 

“Let’s go back to my place. I think I still have some of those cupcakes from last time.” Tori groans, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “Well, maybe not if we don’t get home before Trina.”

Cat nods, returning a half hearted smile.

“Okay, let’s hurry up then. I think I hear Trina coming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are we feeling today readers??
> 
> did you all remember to eat today? pick up your mail? clean the weeks worth of cans off your desk?
> 
> i did 2 out of 3 which i would say is pretty good for me. mostly because i needed more space for cans.
> 
> remember to comment, but only in the form of telling me fun facts about yourself. like what's your favorite food? read any good manga lately? what song(s) have you been listening to a lot? do you prefer your milk tea with tapioca or without? i personally haven't had tapioca in months because it's too expensive to order on uber eats.
> 
> (you can comment on the actual work, i don't care)


End file.
